Friday, December 23, 2011

How to Deck the F*cking Halls at the Last Minute

Need to holiday your house up in a hurry? Figure a carton of eggnog isn't quite enough Christmas cheer? Did somebody forget to tell you so-and-so and his wife are coming over for drinks tonight? Worry not. There is still time to holly jolly up your pad in time for Sunday using Christmas tree decorations and common household items. Just follow these simple rules:

1. Office supplies are your friend. Use binder clips on everything.
Binder clip? What binder clip?

2. Paper clip = tree decoration hanger.
ToMAYto, toMAHto.

Use the gold paper clips because they're extra fancy.
See? You can't even tell they're not real hangers. If you have cataracts.

3. Hang Christmas balls on anything that will hold them. You won't even notice the tacky string of lights strung across the wall onto the furniture.
Or that I just said to hang balls anywhere you can hold them.

4. Go nuts! Decorate anything that won't move.
At least until after that New Year's resolution.
5. Lighting fixtures draw special attention to your improvised decor.
Lamp balls.

6. Use decorations as distractions. The lamp ball here distracts you from the string of lights stretching across the wall. Is that another binder clip? So useful!
It's like art, really.

7. No mantel? No problem. Tape that stocking shit up there.

Tape? What tape? Listen mother, I have no idea what you're talking about.
More eggnog?

8. As long as it looks intentional, nobody will guess you stuffed wrapping scraps in a vase and called it a "Christmas decoration."
It's called "repurposing."

9. Even electronic eyesores can be merried up with a little ribbon and a tree decoration.
"Honey, did you pawn the Playstation? I can't find it anywhere."

10. Just be sure to choose one piece to be the focal point of your holiday decor.
Christmas spirit indeed.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...